I LOVE MY MOTHER

* **_I LOVE MY MOTHER_**

1._ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2._ My mother taught me RELIGION_.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3._ My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4._ My mother taught me LOGIC_.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5._ My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6._ My mother taught me FORESIGHT_.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7._ My mother taught me IRONY_.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8._ My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9._ My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST_.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10._ My mother taught me about STAMINA_.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11._ My mother taught me about WEATHER_.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12._ My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13._ My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF! LIFE_.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14._ My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15._ My mother taught me about ENVY_.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16._ My mother taught me about ANTICI_**_PAT_**_ION_**.
"Just wait until we get home."

17._ My mother taught me about RECEIVING_.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18._ My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19._ My mother taught me ESP_.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20._ My mother taught me HUMOR_.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21._ ! My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_."If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22._ My mother taught me GENETICS_.
"You're just like your father."

23._ My mother taught me about my ROOTS_.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24._ My mother taught me WISDOM_.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite:_ My mother taught me about JUSTICE_.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
*